RAPE Happens in Marriage by Mindy Love
RAPE happened in my marriage, to me. IT is not something I take lightly. It’s nothing to joke about. It is incredibly painful physically, emotionally, and fucks up ones sense of safety. And I’m hell bent on protecting my safety.
In my humble opinion, if a man rapes a woman or child his penis should be dismembered. Yes, that’s right….cut it off.
I think it would lower the rate of rape, don’t you?
Let me be clear……..I don’t advocate for women raping anyone either, in case you were curious. I’m all about love and respect and won’t tolerate anything less; god damn it.
I’m a big proponent of consent… you know...the communication tool where we use our mouth and talk and ask permission? Yeah that...common sense?? Not to an abuser. Not to a man knowing he was losing control.
Do I fear that he will retaliate now that I’m ready to share my story? Of course he will. Do I care? NO. I want to help those suffering.
The only thing he has left is to try to take our kids away from me. More than that, he already uses his parenting time to fill their heads with lies about me. Telling them I give them toys to buy them off so they won’t leave me at age 14. Tells them I am not emotionally stable. Tells them I stole the house from him. Tells them I”m his wife forever because God says so. Tells them, I destroyed our family. It used to bother me. It used to make me sad and mad, but not anymore. I am in total control of myself. And my kids….they are living their own story. They will learn the truth with time and know where to get help when needed.
Here is the icing on the cake: He hires a male lawyer from his church who hates women and feeds right into his victim story. Oh, if the man only knew. They should go fuck each other as they are on the same emotionally fucked up level. The false allegations began. Accusing me of everything he is and he does.
The evening I was raped, I was dead asleep, while exhausted from being in my last trimester of pregnancy. I was having a hellish nightmare of a dick in my ass and I was trying to get it out. I was panicked.
I woke up and rolled over to tell him as I was full of fear and to my dismay………it was HIM. HE was the one doing this to me. My own husband was causing me harm….RAPING ME.
My world crashed right then. I went into fight or flight. I jumped off that bed in all my pregnant glory and ran as fast I could up 2 flights of stairs in our split level house. This man, 5’10 and 250 lbs, me 5’5 and 160lbs and very pregnant, came chasing behind me yelling, “DON’T CALL THE COPS!” I was yelling too, STOP CHASING ME; GET AWAY, GET AWAY!! Get away from me!!!!!
I was corned in the kitchen, by the microwave, in total shock of what was happening. I was thankful in that moment that all the children were asleep. How the fuck would I have explained that to them.
When I calmed down I asked him why he said don’t call the police? He calmed and calculatedly said, oh because some one “those women” would have. That mother fucker had my head so fucked up that I didn’t even know calling the police was a fucking option.
He knew in that moment that he was going to get away with rape. He knew he deserved to be in prison where he himself could experience being raped passionately!
Oh, but what he didn’t know was this….FREEDOM WAS IN MY FUTURE. I WOULD BECOME MY OWN SAVIOR. I WOULD LIBERATE MYSELF. I WOULD BECOME DETERMINED TO LIVE A LIFE WITHOUT HIM. I WOULD FACE ALL MY FEAR AND I WOULD CHOOSE MYSELF OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I WOULD NEVER GO BACK TO HIM. NOPE, NEVER. I WOULD DEFY THE ODDS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I WOULD DEFY THE ODDS OF THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED. I WOULD STAND ALONE. EVEN WHEN HE TURNED AN ENTIRE CHURCH AGAIN ME….I WOULD NOT CAVE. I WOULD SPEAK MY TRUTH. I WOULD SHARE MY STORY. I WOULD DO LIFE ALONE.
I WOULD BECOME WELL KNOWN FOR SPEAKING ABOUT TABOO TOPICS AND I WOULD DEDICATE MY LIFE TO FREEING OTHER WOMEN WHO ARE SUFFERING.
His parting words when I told him I was resigning from being his wife:
First he laughed. He legit laughed at me. This was his usual whenever I was mad or sad. When he saw my face and that I wasn’t joking he followed it with…
“No one will ever want you.” He shouted. “You have 7 kids.” “So be it”, I replied.
No one will ever believe you! He said. I’ll tell the judge you raped me! I was yet again spinning in disbelief. Really?
How’s it feel to be lied to? He said. He began tell me he was scared of me. My brain did a total back flip and couldn’t comprehend what he was saying as he stood in the stair well. My spirit took a giant step backwards in that moment in time……….I was awakened to the fact that I had been married to a human I didn’t know. It was a new type of evil.
I asked him, do you know what that feels like to be raped? He said, yes. It doesn’t matter because it’s over. I stopped breathing. My jaw dropped in disbelieve. This man is the devil in human form.